Religion isn’t a stranger to bigotry. It’s even less of a stranger to belittling homosexuality specifically. I’m not gay, but my late great-aunt was, and despite my heterosexuality and general obliviousness to the plight of gays on a day-to-day basis, I’ve never been more angry and disappointed due to the homophobia of one Catholic church.
I held off for posting this for a few months to ensure I was still angry about it. I am. To make a long story short, my great-aunt finally yielded to old age and the health issues that go along with getting old. I am sad about this, but my sadness has been unfortunately surpassed by my other negative emotions I have for the Catholic church, specifically one church in northern Kentucky.
The church’s approach to LGBTQ issues.
It all started during the funeral planning process. My great-aunt, whom I didn’t even know was remotely religious, was evidently slated for a religious funeral complete with a full mass. That’s fine. I understand that some people are religious and are going to have a funeral like this. What I have a problem with is the way the church reacted when they discovered that my great-aunt was a lesbian. My grandmother, out of a desire to be open and honest which I can’t fault her for, let it slip to the church that my great-aunt was homosexual. Despite the previously smooth process at hand, this news caused a disturbance in the force. A lesbian? That will not do!
The priest, to his credit (although I do not give him much credit in general), was able to smooth over some of the wrinkles and get a funeral planned. However, the initial compromise was that there would be no communion during mass on account of the gayness that was apparently emitting from my great-aunt’s body. I have no idea why communion got to be the thing they cut, but that’s what was originally decided. Later, after more massaging of the homophobic minds, the church yielded and decided a full Catholic mass was fit for this occasion. But get this…
The reason they opted into a full mass was “because [my aunt]wasn’t overtly homosexual.” That’s right, they only gave in because my great-aunt wasn’t parading around in a rainbow jumpsuit trying to finger bang any woman who got too close. She was just some woman who happened to live with another woman – a woman she loved for at least as long as I’ve been alive.
To my mostly Catholic family, this seemed completely okay to them. After the visitation but before the funeral, I wanted to grab family members, shake them and ask, “Can’t you see through this bullshit?” Through force of will I managed to keep it together and make it through without sending a loved one to the local chiropractor. But seriously, what were they thinking?
Mull that over. The church essentially said that they were cool with my great aunt’s lesbian lifestyle because she wasn’t too lesbian. In other words, it was okay that she liked to fuck women, but since she wasn’t a more open and proud lesbian they would yield and have a normal funeral. I’m fuming just typing these words.
At the funeral I was chosen to be a pall bearer. As I carried my great aunt’s body to its final resting place in all its lesbian glory, I reflected on why I fell out of religion to begin with (these events being added to the ever-growing list) and inwardly sent a multitude of “fuck yous” to religion in general, specifically this very demeaning Catholic church.
The current tagline for this blog is “The main obstacle to equality is religion.” I’ve read the banner on this blog. I’ve said the words out loud. Heck, I even marched in the most recent Pride Parade in Cincinnati with a big banner with that phrase declared loudly and proudly. But I haven’t felt the sting of the truth of those words as much as I have due to my great aunt’s passing and the homophobic fallout that has ensued.
Sure, far worse things have been done to the gay community and far worse things will continue to happen to them due to homophobia, almost entirely from the religious. But this is the first time I’ve personally come in such close contact with it. To the church, this sort of stance is par for the course, sourced from a text written and compiled over hundreds of years by various authors and plagiarists – many of whom we don’t know the identities of – in a time when people really believed the sun revolved around the Earth. I look forward to one day being free of the silliness of religion.
1 Comment
I applaud your self restraint. I don’t know if I could have done the same. My sympathies on the loss of your great aunt. Take comfort in the fact that religiosity appears to be on the wane in the U.S. Your blog and others like it may help that process along.